Any time something major happens in our country or our world, I always struggle to get back to the standard “wedding blogging” routine. These events feel huge and they consume me. This election somehow feels like one of the strongest.
Maybe it’s because the election outcome seems to be one of the most personal. Hurricane Sandy affected my parents and their neighborhood, mass shootings always gut me & leave me feeling hopeless (and then angry), other tragedies take place daily, but none of these have affected me personally (and I thank goodness for that). But this election feels different. I tried to find a way yesterday to compare the feelings I am feeling. I have yet to find an appropriate comparison. This one is new. This one is incomparable. I think it has something to do with the shock.
I think I experienced all stages of grief at the same time yesterday. And I think a good part of me is still in disbelief. I am still trying to sort out my feelings, my thoughts, my plan for action. Because if anything good comes of this, it needs to be the action. We have so much work to do. As women, as white people, as a divided nation, as anger & fear seem to be crushing kindness and community.
I’ve read more articles, tweets, Facebook posts and text messages these last 24+ hours than I care to admit. The three themes that have stuck with me the most are these:
- It’s absolutely OK to grieve
- Every woman I know is just SO tired
- It’s time to get to work
So let’s start with the first: grieving. I can’t remember the last time I cried this much. And no, I am not speaking in hyperbole here (as I so often love to do). I am sure the 3 hours of sleep isn’t helping, but it’s been a nonstop tearfest over here since 11:30pm on election night when shit started to get dire. Almost everything sets me off into another fit. Loving texts from my amazing sisters. Seeing my husband for the first time since the results were confirmed. My boss showing me his muslim-american brother’s facebook post. Thinking of all my LGBT friends and clients. Writing this post.
I am grieving. I am sad. I am not (currently) OK. And that is OK. I don’t have to be strong today, I don’t have to be strong tomorrow. It is 150% OK to be sad right now. There will be plenty of time to fight after the grieving process is over.
Second: I’m exhausted. Leading up to the election I wasn’t my best self. I was moody, I was low energy, I wasn’t being a great partner to my husband – and any time he asked what was wrong, I couldn’t explain other than saying, I am just SO tired. I am tired of proving myself as a female in a male-dominated tech project at my day job. I am tired of fighting the men who tell me sexism wasn’t at play in this election. I am tired of trying to understand how women could vote for a man that wants to take away their rights, and has no plan to ensure we are paid fairly. I am tired of fighting all the damn time, to only continue to see the rich, smug, privileged, white guy win.
So that leads to the third. It’s time to get to work. After I cry (and get some sleep) until I literally can’t anymore. Action. Doing. Leading. It’s what we as women have always done, and as a woman, what I will try to continue to do. More donating (Planned Parenthood & Human Rights Campaign come to mind), more supporting of women-owned businesses (Stitch & Rivet, Handmade Habitat, Denada Design, Rachel Pfeffer Jewelry … I’m coming for you), more kindness, more supporting couples & clients of any race, religion, or sexual orientation, more love.
So after I stop crying, find time to rest & catch up from the exhaustion, I plan to get to work. Love will always trump hate, we are indeed stronger together, and I plan on being the nastiest woman possible for as long as I can. Expect more donations, more proceeds from the shop going to good causes, more posts here that spread love, and more volunteering.
I see you racism, sexism & bigotry and I won’t give up or give in.